He's got the whole world, in his hands...

I feel frustrated today.
I'm patiently sitting on my frustration, hoping that either it will go away or that I will settle down enough to somehow have a conversation that will help resolve it, but I'm not so sure that such a conversation is in exsistence. The one that I had Saturday night did nothing but make this worse for me on the inside, and I'm very, very, VERY sad to say that what was said by the other party (hahahhahaha, I'm only not naming him out of respect for him but we all know of whom I speak!!!) was HIS TRUTH---- and there's nothing I can do but honor that. And hate him a little bit, of course.
All of this is compounded by the fact that I have THE ALL IMPORTANT dr appt tomorrow afternoon and he has been WITHOUT for FIVE WEEKS TODAY and GOD HELP ME he won't leave me the hell alone! UGH! Nothing I do keeps him away. I swear he looks at me and drools like I'm a filet mignon. Sorry for the TMI but that first time is going to be a pretty big deal for me, and although he's practically a pro at helping me for all the first times that freak me out, me not liking him is not boding well and WHEN do I have time to have this conversation with him?
He's got the whole world in his hands. He has all of his friends and family gushing over him. He's lost 75 pounds in the past 2 years but they aren't over it yet, they still fawn over him, which is all good and well. He runs every day, he lifts, yay for him. He's working 2 jobs, yay for him. While I understand perfectly clearly that he did all he felt he could do for 2 weeks after my surgery, and I do appreciate him not forcing me back to normal before the 3 week mark (yay for him? Um.....), the fact that he couldn't manage doing what I do all the damned time for that small amount of time without complaining about HOW HARD IT WAS ON HIM and STILL not acknowledging that that is my life EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR....I'm mad and resentful and when he gets frustrated with me for the fact that I'm not as anal about everything being clean all the time etc....you'd think he'd get it now. But he doesn't, because he can't stop looking at himself long enough to see ME or what my life is like. And my life is fine. He brings me coffee some mornings and throws a load of wash in, my life is fine. Sometimes he brings the kids to school in the am, my life is fine. The things he said are just so not okay, he said the worst things ever. He has me trained to NOT NEED HIM- and we don't, we function without and anything he does is a bonus for me- but ...oh, the things he said. :( He has it made. He does. This is probably my own fault somehow because I DO do everything and there is nothing required of him at all. And then I do stupid things like cater to him, even when I'm mad. I don't know why. Maybe it's my passive aggressiveness. But I don't trust myself to tell him how MAD I am on the inside because ...well, like I said....that conversation doesn't go anywhere. UGH.

On a much happier note, the song WILD HORSES by the Rolling Stones caught my attention. So I wikipedia'd it to find out who actually did it first. It was the RS's first, and Jaggar says that he was very emotionally involved in the song. Those are THE best songs, aren't they? The ones that count and mean something? Wouldn't that be the all time best feeling ever--- to write a song that means so much to you, and then have dozens of people love it so much that they cover it too? That made me really happy. If I knew him, I'd call him up and tell him how happy that made me to know. Because I am, afterall, still a complete dork.

Off to be a dork some more.